Foul Weather Friends

I am very aware of the consequences of this post.  I know a few who will think I am talking about them in this, although they would be wrong.  That group would be the people who do really care, and talk to me in confidence about things but don’t always talk to me when things are perfect.  Real friends can do that, mandatory conversations every day is not something I need or require.  Sometimes all that is needed from a real friend is a weekly, “Hi!! How are you doing?”.  Touching base with one another when nothing is wrong at all.  I digress a little.  I care about people in my life enough to make it clear they are not the group of people who I am speaking of.

Foul Weather Friends

I know I am a hard nut to get used to.  I am blunt and don’t beat around the bush, especially when you ask me what I think… I am not easily controlled or manipulated… I am a very loyal person, I keep things in confidence when told, even those that merely tolerate my presence seem to get that about me.  That is the point of this post… I am annoyed… very annoyed….

I am starting to wonder if there is something in the water lately.  I really don’t care who doesn’t like me, or who merely tolerates my presence.  In the grand scheme of things, these people are just as irrelevant to my life as I am to theirs.  But here is what I do care about… and the purpose of this post.  I write to get my feelings out, I am overly logical and emotion and feelings are not easy for me to get out in words.  I am called Spock Jr by my family for a reason….

Over the course of the last month or so, certain people in the above-mentioned categories seem to need me.  Have their lives gotten so horrible that I am the last resort to turn to?  Am I the only thing available to kick them back upwards from their downward spiral?

Some of these people do not even give me a hello at a random time during the day normally, but as soon as they are hitting the bottom, I am the first one they come to?  Why is that?  Is it a set up to test my loyalty?  Do I give such good advice, they finally realize they need me?  Do they think I am such a moron, I don’t realize that they are only speaking to me out of need?  Do I intimidate them so much during a normal day that they only grow balls to speak to me when they feel they have to or need to?

The definition of a foul weather friend is –

The opposite of a fair-weather friend, a foul-weather friend only seeks you out if they have a problem, need a shoulder to cry on, a ride to town or someone to watch their dog, but otherwise they act as if they don’t even know you. They’re only your chum when they’re glum.

A foul-weather friend will never call you to go out with other friends, go to a show or just go hang out, but the minute trouble comes, your foul-weather friend knows you are good old reliable you, the one who will listen when no one else will, and they act like you’re their only friend. Don’t expect the same in return either. When you’ve got a problem, they’ll usually tell you not to bring them down. —

In my experience, foul weather friends are also those who like to gossip, talk about you behind your back, say things about you that they would never say to your face. They assume since they don’t talk to you, no one else does either. So in their minds, it’s OK; you won’t find out what was said. Isn’t it ironically hilarious how that never happens the way they expect it to?

What isn’t funny is the fact that some of these people I am speaking of, I actually do care about, even knowing their true feelings for me. Why you ask? That’s my nature… I care, I may not let you in, but I care. That’s what being an adult is about.

An example of a Keep. Image from medieval Castle Anatomy

To me, my life is a “keep”.
There are people inside of it, people at the gate possibly ready to walk in, and there are people who are either in or coming into missile range with bows trained on them; arrows at the ready. There are even some tossed in the moat, wondering if they are going to be able to tread water long enough to find out what they are to me.

In closing of this post today, I would like to leave you with a few points to ponder…

1. Never take my loyalty for granted, test it, or abuse it.
2. Never mistake my compassion for stupidity or ignorance.
3. Never make the mistake of thinking that I do not know that you are two-faced even when I am trying to help you in your crisis.
4. Never take for granted that I do not know what you say about me behind my back.
5. Always remember that I am actually a real person with feelings, just like you consider yourself to be.
6. By all means, let yourself under-estimate me…. *rattle, rattle*
7. Do not confuse my acknowledging you when you need me for that brief moment that you are relevant to my life.  I will help those I don’t know, and even don’t really like.
8. I am a strong woman. I am opinionated, and bluntly honest when you ask me for advice or input.  I am actually one of the best friends you could ever have.  You have no real reason to be afraid or feel intimidated by me unless you bring it on yourself.

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